Talk to an Abusive Friend

It's hard to talk to a friend when you think his or her behavior is out of control. You want to believe them when they say you've got nothing to worry about, that you're wrong. But if you have seen behavior that makes you think they may be hurting their partner, you owe it to them, and to yourself, to take a stand. It may be the hardest thing you've ever done... but it could make a real difference in all of your lives.

Do

• Be specific about what you saw, and how it made you feel. "I didn't like it when you told your girlfriend/ boyfriend they were stupid in front of all of us, and I can only imagine how it made them feel."
• Take a stand. "I'm not going to sit here as your friend and watch this happen and not say anything about it."
• Give them a reality check. Their absuive actions will have consequences. "This is a crime, and you could be arrested."
• Urge them to seek help. He or she can talk to a counselor, a coach, a member of the clergy, any trusted adult - or even an older sibling or mentor.
• Offer to get information for your friend.

Don't

• Make them feel ashamed of themselves. You care about your friend, and you want his or her behavior to change. If you didn't think they had it in them to be a decent person, you probably wouldn't be hanging out with them.